Awaken
by Boisterous Hal
Summary: Morgana's former friends struggle to comprehend her betrayal of Camelot.  Morgause wants to satisfy the undisclosed desires in Morgana's heart, but at what cost?  Spoilers for 2x12.  Two shot song fic, inspired by Muse.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Morgana's former friends struggle to comprehend her betrayal of Camelot. Morgause wants to satisfy the undisclosed desires in Morgana's heart, but at what cost? Spoilers for 2x12. Two shot song fic inspired by Muse.

Characters: Morgana, Morgause, Mordred, Alvarr, Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, King Uther, Gaius.

Author's note: This is my first ever Merlin fan fic. I'm so excited. Please note that Season 3 had not been aired at the publication date of this fic, so events in that season may not be consistent with this fic. The story begins in Morgana's final scene in 2x12.

Warnings/spoilers: Spoilers for 2x12. Some angst and some violence.

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. Lyrics are taken from "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse, which I also do not own.

**Awaken**

**aka Boisterous Hal's first Merlin fan fic, a-Muse-ingly inspired by the epicness of Muse**

She stared at the boy in shock. She could not even begin to compute that her friend, whom she had trusted with her life, had poisoned her drinking water. She wanted to scream, to retaliate, to do anything – but found that she could do nothing as her strength quickly faded away.

Merlin cradled a dying Morgana in his arms, tears sliding freely down his cheeks. He cried because he was committing murder, when he had thought all his life that he could never do such a thing. He cried because he had to kill a friend for the greater good, a friend who had done no harm to him personally, and whom he once briefly had feelings for.

It was true, he had felt his heart skip a beat when he first saw her, for she was very fair and beautiful to look upon. But he quickly perished the thought, because as a servant, he might as well have thrown himself in the dungeons, before getting intimate with a noblewoman, let alone the King's ward.

Merlin cried for the soul of his fallen comrade, which might be heading for hell instead of heaven. Morgana lay still and did not move again.

Morgause felt something was very wrong. She could sense Morgana's presence weakening. She ripped the door to the room that Morgana and Merlin were in off its hinges. The boy would not agree to reveal the name of the poison to her unless she called off the seven knights who were to bring down Camelot. Eventually, she had to cave in to his demands, and teleported herself and her half-sister away to safety. She would return to fight another day.

That night, Merlin had a strange dream.

_It was daylight and Merlin was standing at the edge of the courtyard of Castle Camelot. A group of people dressed in robes with a sash tied at their waists, were crouched silently in the middle of the courtyard. Half were men and the other half were women. They suddenly came to life, their arms raised to the sky. Merlin recognised some of them. He saw Nimueh and Freya, yet he did not recognise most of the people. He supposed that they were all magic users, or somehow connect to magic or supernatural elements._

_They sang, "Ahh, ahh, ahh / Ahh, ahh, ahh / Ahh, ahh, ahh / Ahh, ahh, ahh._

_Come ride with me / Through the veins of history / I'll show you how God / Falls asleep on the job."_

_They then proceeded to dance together energetically. It was like no dance that Merlin had ever seen – it was much more lively than the drab dances held during times of celebration in the castle. The men lined up in one row, and the women faced them in another row. They all motioned up to King Uther, who sneered at them from one of the castle's balconies._

"_And how can we win / When fools can be kings / Don't waste your time / Or time will waste you._

_Ahh, ahh, ahh / Ahh, ahh, ahh / Ahh, ahh, ahh / Ahh, ahh, ahh."_

_They all dropped to the floor in a wave. Freya got up and sang, "No one's gonna take me alive"._

_A man – whom Merlin now recognised as Valiant, the warrior who had tried to kill Arthur but killed by Arthur instead – jumped up and growled, "Time has come to make things right"._

_The group sang, "You and I must fight for our rights / You and I must fight to survive"._

_Morgana, who was wearing her favourite green dress that matched her eyes, walked out of the main doors of the castle. It was the same dress that she wore when she was poisoned. She addressed the group without emotion. "Don't worry, my darlings. I will set you all free." With a wave of her right hand, the group and King Uther disintegrated into piles of ash._

Merlin awoke with a start. It took him a while to calm himself down, and remind himself that he was in his own bed, awaking from a dream. It was the weirdest dream he had ever had, even weirder than the one where Arthur thought he was a rabbit and was caught nibbling the vegetables in the castle's pantry. Merlin did not sleep well that night.

Gaius, on the other hand, had slept well because he could sleep through anything. When Merlin told him about the dream, Gaius said, "It was just a dream, Merlin. It doesn't mean anything". Merlin wasn't so sure.

Arthur had slept well, because he was exhausted after his fight with the knights of doom. He laughed when Merlin recounted the dream. "You are funny, Merlin. An idiot, but very funny. Merlin glared at his master, making the Prince laugh some more. When Arthur finally became serious, he said, "I can't believe that Morgana has betrayed Camelot. Many great knights have died because of this. Their blood is on her hands. If I get my hands on her, then God help her". His eyes flashed in anger, and Merlin was surprised by how quickly things had changed. Arthur and Morgana used to be close, like brother and sister. As if he had read Merlin's mind, Arthur said, "At the same time, I fear for her safety. Part of me still wants no harm to come to her. What would you do if you were me, Merlin? Should I forgive her for what she's done, or do I condemn her as my enemy?"

"You should do what you've always done, sire. Be the brave, strong Prince that you are, and fight those would would seek to harm Camelot. If Morgana does not repent, then she will have to face the consequences."

They both spoke as though she was alive, because they knew the powerful magic of Morgause could save her. Arthur chuckled, and stared out the window, keeping his thoughts private. He didn't say any more to Merlin, as if he had forgotten that his servant was there.

After Merlin had finished polishing Arthur's armour, he visited Gwen at her room. When she answered the door, Merlin could clearly see she had been crying.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know. I worry about my Lady. I can't believe that any of this has happened."

"None of us can."

"I just want to be alone for a while. I feel slightly unwell."

"If you want, I can send for Gaius..."

"No!" Her voice softened. "Please, Merlin. I will be fine, really. I just need to lie down for a bit."

She extended her hand towards Merlin. He took it and squeezed it. She smiled sadly and closed the door.

A heavy atmosphere had certainly descended on the castle. Merlin wished he could do more for Gwen, but if she wanted privacy, he would respect that.

Alvarr and Mordred were huddled by a camp fire, in a forest many miles outside of Camelot. It was another cold night. Suddenly, a dimension door opened neared them, and Alvarr drew his sword. He relaxed when he saw that it was Morgause and Morgana who emerged.

"She's been poisoned, by hemlock," Morgause said without preamble. "Don't just stand there! Make the antidote!"

Alvarr quickly got to work, crushing up 11 secret herbs and spices, and mixing them it with water and salt. Morgana had saved his life once. Now he could return the favour.

Meanwhile, Morgause and Mordred made Morgana comfortable next to the fire. Morgause took the completed antidote, cast a spell on it, and put it to Morgana's lips.

For a moment, nothing happened. But suddenly, Morgana coughed and opened her eyes. The colour returned to her cheeks. "What happened?" she asked, looking at Morgause, Mordred and

Alvarr crouching before her.

"In time you shall know, sister," Morgause answered. "But right now, you must sleep."

Morgana closed her eyes, and slept peacefully.

**For those of you wondering, the dance performed was a jive. Of course, jives did not exist during the story's setting, but it was plausible as it happened in a dream. If, for some improbable reason, I happened to write Merlin: The Rock Opera, that song (including choreography) would be included.**

**Review, please. Reviews make me smile.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Published 5 August 2010_

**Author's note: The start to this chapter happens two weeks after the conclusion of 2x13.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. Lyrics are taken from "Undisclosed Desires", "United States of Eurasia" and "Map of the Problematique", all by Muse, and none of which I own.**

King Uther was not happy. Those who were close to him rarely saw him in a happy mood, and now he had more reasons to be unhappy, with Kilgharrah the Dragon having attacked Camelot and his ward having been taken away by Morgause. He suspected that the timing of the two events were more than just mere coincidence.

Now that the crisis regarding the Dragon was over, no one was in the mood to celebrate. Today was the day that Arthur was to search for Morgana. Arthur entered the throne room, where his father was waiting for him.

"Ah, there you are, Arthur. Are you ready to depart?"

"I am, Sire."

"Good. I forgot to ask, how is the rebuilding effort in the lower town coming along?"

"It is coming along well. Fortunately, the Dragon concentrated his attack on the castle, so just a handful of houses in the lower town suffered damage. Lester reports that they should be rebuilt within the next two weeks." Lester was the town carpenter, and the King had agreed to fund the rebuilding project in full.

"Excellent," the King said, though his body language suggested that all was not well.

"Father, what's wrong? You look...concerned."

"Oh, I've been thinking about Morgana. We have not seen eye to eye as of late, but I am concerned about her wellbeing."

"As am I. I will get her back."

"I know you will." Uther put his hands on Arthur's shoulders. "I have complete faith in you. I hope that you will never forget how proud I am that you are carrying on the Pendragon name."

"I know, father." They embraced. Arthur said, "Farewell, and long live Camelot." Bowing, he turned to leave.

"Oh, one more thing, Arthur. When you find Morgana, kill everyone else."

"Yes, Sire." Arthur was not in the mood to question these orders, and Uther did not look like he was in the mood to have his orders questioned.

After Arthur had left, and the doors had closed behind him, Uther sat back in his throne. He sighed and stared worriedly at the doors, half expecting Morgana, or somebody must worse, to walk through them any minute.

Merlin grinned at Gaius. "Well, I'm ready to leave." Gaius was unamused.

"I hope you are taking this quest seriously, Merlin. This is a very grave matter."

"I banished a Dragon from the kingdom. Nothing can go wrong."

"I don't need you to grow a big head again. Complacency often leads to disaster, and I've been around long enough to know that."

"Yes, of course you are right, Gaius. I will take care of Arthur, and I'll save him again, I'm sure. Oh, and I'll gather you some herbs and mushrooms on the way."

"That's my boy. Take care. Now, off you go."

Out in the courtyard, Arthur was already on his horse.

"Merlin, were have you been? No, don't answer that. It's been a while since I gave up on you being on time." Merlin climbed onto his horse.

"Nice to see you too, Prince Clotpole," he said cheerfully.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Gwen walked across the courtyard. Arthur smiled at her, and she returned the smile. He presented her with a rose, and said, "You look beautiful, Guinevere."

"Thank you." To both of them, she said, "I wish you luck. Please take care. I can't lose you too."

"I will take care," Arthur said. "I will bring Morgana back. I love you."

"I love you too."

Gwen watched Arthur and Merlin go, with Sir Isaac and Sir Philip just behind them. She already felt so lost without her Lady, and now that Arthur and Merlin were going, she felt even more alone.

For four weeks, the party searched far and wide for Morgana. They ran into bandits along the way (whom they despatched or routed), but found no trace of their quarry. They returned to Camelot safely but empty handed. Well, not completely empty handed, for Merlin had gathered herbs for Gaius. King Uther was quite deflated by Arthur's news, fearing the worst for his ward, and feeling unsure about what to do next.

Six weeks ago...

_I know you've suffered but I don't want you to hide / It's cold and loveless, I won't let you be denied._

It was the morning after Morgana had been revived. Morgause recounted in detail what had happened since the last time they had met, right from when the spell had been put over Camelot (making everyone tired until they fell unconscious), right through to Morgana's poisoning and her revival.

"So you're saying that Merlin poisoned me?"

"Aye, the servant boy did it."

"I don't understand. Merlin is my friend. I refuse to believe it."

But even as Morgana spoke the words, memories flooded back to her. Merlin was insistent that she drink the water. She remembered that Merlin held her in his arms just before she became unconscious.

"It's coming back to me. Merlin did it. But why?"

"It is simple, sister. He is a loyal servant of Camelot. Loyal servants of Camelot will to do anything to kill our kind. So you see, the people whom you thought were your friends stabbed you in the back. We can protect you from them, Morgana. Through us, you can become stronger, so that you can fight back against those who would do you harm."

Morgana nodded. A lot of things had happened so quickly, that she barely had enough time to absorb it all. Alvarr approached them.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Morgana.

"I'm very well, thank you." She spoke to both of them now.

"Thank you for saving my life."

"It was the least I could do, considering that you saved mine," Alvarr said.

"That is what a family does, it stays together," Morgause added.

"Yes, yes it does," Morgana said. "I have made up my mind. You are my true family. I ask that you teach me the ways of magic, and help me become who I was born to be."

"Morgause smiled. "Very well, sister. Come, for the battle for our survival never halts. You have much to learn."

_Soothing, I'll make you feel pure / Trust me, you can be sure._

Over the next year, Morgause, Alvarr and Mordred taught Morgana how to control her magical powers. Morgana was usually taught by the first two, since they had the most control over casting a variety of spells.

Day by day, Morgana grew more comfortable with her magical ability, and the fires of hatred against Camelot were fanned deep within her heart.

The group moved camp regularly, as they knew search parties would be looking for them. Since they stayed well away from civilisation, no unwelcome visitors stumbled across them.

"Very good!" Morgause exclaimed, after Morgana had telekinetically moved a pile of rocks several yards. "You have grown strong, Morgana. We have awakened who you are meant to be. How does it feel?"

"It feels wonderful. I feel like I can finally be myself. I feel so alive, and free from the prison of my former life."

"Aye, there is nothing worse than having to deny yourself the use of magic. It is a great gift and privilege to possess it. I hope you will never forget that."

"I won't, Morgause. I owe you so much."

"Nay. Your quick progression in the magical arts has been enough to satisfy me. Soon, we can strike out against those who oppose us."

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart / I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask / I want to exorcise the demons from your past / I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._

One night, Morgana decided to sleep without wearing Morgause's bracelet. She was very curious to see what the future held. Would her visions show more glimpses of Arthur dying? Would she not see anything at all?

She smiled at the others the next morning. "I know what it is I must do," she said, holding her wrist up so that they could see the absence of the bracelet. "I am still determined to see the downfall of Uther. But before that, I must confront Merlin for the pain he has caused me. Then, I will kill him. This, I have seen in my sleep. This is my destiny."

Morgause wanted to protest, but she could see in Morgana's eyes that she would not have it any other way. In any case, it would be pleasing to see the insolent, cowardly boy wiped off the face of the Earth.

"Okay," Morgause said. "This is a sign that you are ready to leave us. Remember all that we have taught you, and bring me back the boy's head."

"I wish you well," Alvarr said. "You are an incredible woman, and you will set the course of our history."

"Be careful, Morgana," Mordred warned. "Your enemies may be more formidable than you expect, though you have become powerful."

After embracing the members of her family, Morgana said atop the horse provided to her, "I thank you once again for your kindness, and for making me who I am. I have a debt to you that can never be repaid. I hope we shall see each other again." She turned her horse around and disappeared among the trees.

She rode for two weeks before she reached the outskirts of Camelot. She had encountered highwaymen, but they were no match for her.

Merlin walked in the woods on the outskirts of Camelot. Arthur had generously given him the day off. Merlin liked walking in the woods when he had the chance, since the castle felt oppressive at times.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Morgana standing out in the open. She wore a black dress, and her hands were on her hips. She looked serene and dangerous at the same time, and no less beautiful than he had remembered her.

"Hello, Merlin," she said, wanting to get the first word in. "Disappointed to see me still around, are you?"

Merlin wasn't quite sure what to say. "W-What are you doing here, Morgana?"

"You poisoned me. I'm here to seek revenge."

Without warning, her eyes glowed and she yelled "Istu sharokee verlosum!" Merlin was pushed back by an invisible force, and he landed on his back, the wind knocked out of his lungs. Morgana towered above him, blocking out the sky.

"Before you die, I want to know why you did it."

"I didn't want to," Merlin gasped, "But I had no choice. Morgause had cast a spell on you, so that all in your vicinity fell asleep permanently as though dead. I could not let Camelot fall. I could not do nothing."

"An apology would have been sufficient. In any case, prepare to die."

Merlin's eyes glowed and Morgana was taken by surprise. It was her turn to fly through the air and look up at the sky.

_You and me are the same / We don't know or care who's to blame / And we know that whoever holds the reins / Nothing will change, our cause has gone insane._

"So, I see that you have magic too," she said, laughing unpleasantly.

"Why did you betray Camelot?"

"I had to. Your King is executing every one of my kind. Of _our_ kind. Morgause was the only one who could offer me protection, and the means to strike back at Uther, so that we wouldn't have to live in fear. If you had any sense, you could have joined with us."

Merlin shook his head. "No. If Uther was assassinated, then Camelot, followed by all of Britain will be thrown into chaos. Even if Arthur became King, the people would lose hope that their ruler would be able to protect them."

"I don't care. Uther was responsible for the death of my father!"

"I know what it's like to have a father taken away cruelly, to feel like you want to get even. But revenge is not the answer."

This had the effect of enraging the young woman. She lashed out with her foot, connecting with his shin. The tall boy stumbled backwards, and Morgana used this opening to push him over. She seized his throat and tried to throttle him. She was surprisingly strong. Merlin finally managed to fight her off, and pushed her away.

"Enough!" Merlin shouted. "Stop this madness! I don't want to hurt you, but I will defend myself!"

"Have it your way," Morgana said, and she launched a fireball at him. Merlin barely managed to dodge. The bush behind him caught fire.

Merlin retaliated with lightning, but Morgana absorbed it easily with the palm of her hand.

The battle went on for two hours. They had minor cuts and bruises, but no major injuries. Merlin felt himself quickly beginning to fatigue, while Morgana's rage gave her the power to fight all day. After another half hour, Merlin was too exhausted to go on. He tried to hide, but Morgana found him and pinned him telekinetically against a tree.

"Please, Morgana. Don't do this," Merlin pleaded.

"I have to," Morgana replied.

"Morgana!" A voice behind her called. She turned and saw Guinevere. She did not release her telekinetic grip.

"Hello, Guinevere. You've arrived just in time to witness me kill Arthur's servant."

"Please, my Lady. Think about what you are doing. This is not you."

"I know what I'm doing, Gwen. I have dreamed that this day would come."

Morgana turned back to Merlin. Merlin closed his eyes and prepared for death.

Instead of dying, he heard a whizzing sound, a cry of surprise and Gwen's scream. He opened his eyes reluctantly, and saw Morgana on the ground, an arrow protruding through her chest. Arthur stood nearby with a shocked expression, holding a long bow.

Arthur got down on his knees, next to Morgana. "Arthur," Morgana managed to say, her voice barely audible. He squeezed her hand, and said, "I'm sorry, but I had to do this. You were going to kill my friend. I could not allow it."

She reached up and stroked his face. She said, "It hurts so much...but I...can see the light." Her hand dropped, and her head rolled to the side. She was dead. Arthur swept his hand over her eyes to close her eyelids. He covered his face with his hands and wept. Merlin and Gwen had not moved, not knowing what to do.

_Life will flash before my eyes / So scattered and lost / I want to touch the other side / And no one / Thinks they are to blame / Why can't we see / That when we bleed, we bleed the same._

Merlin, Gwen and Arthur built a pyre out of leave and sticks, and lifted Morgana's body onto it. They said their final goodbyes to Morgana. Arthur and Gwen recounted their early memories of Morgana, and expressed disbelief that it had come to this. Merlin could only say "I'm sorry". To say any more would hurt too much. Arthur ignited the pyre. "Let's go home," he said. They solemnly returned to the castle.

_And these wars, they can't be won / Does any one know or care how they begun? / They just promise to go on, and on, and on / But soon we will see there can be only one._

"How did you know where to find me?" Merlin asked Arthur the next morning.

"It's hard to explain. I sensed that you were in danger, and it led me to you. Guinevere insisted that she come with me, even after I tried to dissuade her from it." Arthur shrugged. Merlin thought about Kilgharrah's proclamation that Merlin's destiny was to protect Arthur. Perhaps it worked the other way as well.

"Why did Morgana try to kill you?" Arthur asked.

"I'm a servant of Camelot. She wanted to kill everyone loyal to Camelot, former friends included." Merlin did not feel ready to tell Arthur about Morgana's vendetta against him. He might, later.

"That thing you said about me being your friend...was it true?" Arthur blinked.

"Of course it is," the Prince replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Okay, okay. I may not always treat you openly as a friend, and though most of the things you do make me want to tear my hair out, you have always been loyal to me. That is very important, Merlin. It is the sign of a true friend."

It was Merlin's turn to blink. Arthur had not spoken with so much candour for a long time. Merlin got down on one knee and grabbed Arthur's right hand. "Thank you for saving my life, master! I will not forget this!"

"Hey, steady on!" Arthur said, and pulled his hand away. It was against regulations for servants to touch their masters without expressed permission.

"Sorry." Merlin straightened up and coughed, feeling embarrassed. Arthur laughed.

"It's all right. That is what friends do. They look out for each other." Merlin looked sad, and said, "But in saving one life, you had to end another life. I'm sorry about Morgana. I know how much she meant to you and to Gwen. She meant something to me too."

"It was for the greater good. That is what I keep telling myself. She threatened Camelot and I did what duty would have me do."

"Yes, you did. I know it may sound harsh, but we have to carry on with our lives, while still honouring her memory for the friend she once was."  
"I agree. Speaking of carrying on with our lives, I think you have the stables to muck out. Oh, and my undershirt needs darning."

Merlin grinned and bowed. "As you wish, master," he said, and left.

Arthur sighed and looked out the window, wondering why this war against magic continued if there would be no winners.

Morgause doubled over in pain. Alvarr demanded to know what was wrong.

"Morgana has fallen in battle. She was wrong about her destiny, and our cause for now is lost. Come, we must regroup." Tears were forming in her eyes.

Morgause, Alvarr and Mordred moved on, and were never seen or heard from again.

Merlin, Arthur and Gwen never told anybody else of Morgana's fate, as nothing would be gained by doing so. A plaque with an inscription of gold letters was laid at the place where she died. It read, "In memory of Morgana le Fay. May she finally find eternal peace in heaven." They visited this memorial site every year, to lament that she had turned her back on Camelot in the end, and to remember her friendship at the beginning.

**The End**

**Angry!Morgana scares me. Evil!Morgana scares me even more. For music during the funeral scene, please listen to "Collateral Damage", being the piano section at the end of "United States of Eurasia".**

**Thank you for reading. I hope you will share your thoughts with me in a _review_. Thank you to Muse for providing the inspiration and soundtrack to "Awaken".**


End file.
